Remember me? Suddenly 2 weeks have passed without so much of a blog post. Sure, a few ideas floated around in my head, but no words made that critical journey from the mind to the fingers to the keyboard. Before going further, I want to clarify that (1) The baby hasn't come yet, (2) We've had a lot of baby stuff to get done, (3) We are so relieved to have bought our family car, despite the fact it took 6 HOURS on a Monday to complete everything, (4) Pregnancy has brought on severe sleep apnea and I can't sleep, and (5) I'm starting to view labor, delivery and the care of a newborn with anxiety (aack!) and guilt ("you always wanted this, why are you freaking out?"). More about that in a later post.
In other news, my brother got married in Oregon this past weekend. Since I'm 35 weeks pregnant, I didn't want to take the chance of something happening while there. Not to mention a 5-hour cross country plane flight would be the ultimate discomfort. Still, myriads of mixed feelings remained at having to miss his wedding. We got pregnant after my brother announced his engagement. At that point, my husband and I thought adoption was our path and figured that our attempts would never amount to a pregnancy. Of course, my brother and the rest of my family were very happy and understanding of the circumstances, but I still felt guilty. The day felt rather emotional, although my wonderful husband took me to Cincinnati for our "babymoon," which help assuage the sadness. It occurred to me that missing of the wedding is one of many, MANY sacrifices on behalf of our child that will come in the future.
Two weeks ago my parish celebrated its patronal feast, Our Lady of the Rosary. That meant special readings proclaimed at Mass, including a Gospel that one normally hears around Christmastime or the Annunciation. I couldn't help but get teary-eyed as the words were read about my patron saint, Elizabeth:
"And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God." (Luke 1: 36, 37)
In the last 3 years, I had the same reaction upon hearing the Gospel, except with tears of sadness. This past Christmas, however, something in my heart stirred. One day I'll hear this passage while holding a baby in my arms, whether from my body or from adoption. One day. All those previous years of wishing and waiting were made so very sweet in the reading of that part of the passage. My husband smiled too, knowing that as Kati.e Bet.h kicked me in the womb, we echoed the same words: Nothing will be impossible for God. Nothing. Even something like this happening to someone like me...