Monday, December 28, 2009

Merry Christmas, GIMH!

We've had a wonderful visit with family and friends, and all too soon our trip has come to an end. I want to give a special shout-out to my Advent Prayer Buddy/Secret Santa, Grace In My Heart! What a thrill to have a buddy who just adopted as my husband and I start the adoption process. :)

One of the cool things about being Catholic is that the Christmas season lasts until Epiphany. So I can still say, Merry Christmas!! :)

Monday, December 21, 2009

I'm Dreaming of a Warm(er) Christmas...

Greetings from the Left Coast! We made it here just in time to miss a snowstorm. My hubby and I have enjoyed walking around the city sans jackets and spending time with family and friends.

I'm amazed at the large amount of big announcements lately. We arrived here on Friday and already I have heard of a couple engagements and a few pregnancies. *sigh* I had hoped that by now we would have an adoption announcement of our own. But God has His own ways of doing things. A good friend reminded me today about the need to trust Him no matter what (easier said than done). The pain and longing that I endure now will only make the child's coming even more sweet and worth it.

On a lighter note, my dear husband came up with a little prank for my parents' backyard. They have a St. Joseph statue that has become buried in ivy over the years. Well, we were worried that St. Joe couldn't breathe, so the photo below shows how we took care of it. :)

P.S. My dear IF friends (online and IRL), I'm so grateful for your continued support, encouragement, and especially empathy.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Trucking through the week

Thanks so much for your many kind comments in my last post. You really did console me! Not only did AF arrive that weekend, I also came down with a sinus infection. Hence, the long gap of blog posts. Thanks to some drugs, rest, and copious cups of tea, my head is finally clearing. That's just in time for our flight on Friday. My hubby and I are flying to California to spend Christmas with my family. With the temperature scheduled to drop into the teens this week, I'll gladly welcome Northern California's gray, 50-degree weather. No doubt my fellow Californian blogger Jeremiah will get more sunshine during her Christmas visit. :)

As any teacher can relate, the final week before Christmas vacation is always the most hectic. This week is no exception, and we also have Christmas program rehearsals that shrink class time. Such is life during December! I bought stockings for my students to do secret Santas. One student even brought me a stocking (it's in the middle). By the way, I bought these stockings, although I'm sure Sew could have made even more gorgeous ones.

I have somewhat mixed feelings about the upcoming Christmas. Like many of you, I think every year, "Next Christmas, I might be a mother!" Or, "Next Christmas, my parents will have to come to us because we will finally have a child!" For the past 3 years, that has not happened. More changes are coming as my brother brings home his beautiful girlfriend this Christmas. Perhaps because Christmas is such a usual, celebrated milestone (unlike a birthday celebration that can be toned down), the holiday becomes a marker every year.

And to continue my metaphor of "walking the line" from my last post:

I walk the line between being grateful for a strong marriage yet longing for my husband to finally become a father.

I walk the line between happiness for a family friend who just gave birth to another baby (found out tonight) and nursing the ever-present IF wound.

Thanks for reading my rambling! Here are some pictures from the SHE group Christmas outing (love you, girls!) and my Christmas tree at home.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Walking Between Lines

One of the aspects of Infertility that has struck me is the need to walk between 2 lines.

I walk the line...

Between realism and hope.

Between wanting a child and trying to obey God's will.

Between accepting suffering (usually badly on my part) but avoiding deep depression.

Between seeking new information and treatment but knowing when nothing will work.

Between trying to lose weight for adoption but wonder if we are supposed to seek another country.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today I went to a women's breakfast. Let's just say the morning started out rather badly. AF arrived and wracked me with pain. I get on the freeway only to get stuck in a 15min traffic jam just to move about 10 feet. I arrived late, only to find the table where I had hoped to sit was full. Thankfully, a good friend came with me and we sat at another table. Wouldn't you know it, on a morning such as this, I meet the lady next to me and we discover that we attend the same parish and Mass. Then she asks,

"Well, do you have any kids?" "No," I sighed and explained briefly about adoption. "Well, she answered, "the only people I notice at Mass are families with children, so that's why I haven't seen you."

WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT??? She later revealed that she never had children, but came from a big family, and big families are so good, yadda yadda. And I said, "Well, no matter the size of the family, each child is a gift." By this point, I'm looking imploringly at my friend, who generously tried to steer the conversation away. But the lady wasn't done. When we returned to our seats after getting breakfast, the lady asked, "So why don't you just do IVF?"

I really wanted to scream, or at least pick up my plasticware and attempt to impale her. Somehow I manged to keep my cool and just said, "As Catholics, we cannot do that." She honestly was surprised and said that she had never heard that before. I briefly explained the teaching (unitive and procreative) and hoped she would leave me alone. Perhaps the only good part of AF's arrival was that the pain forced me to leave immediately after the speaker's presentation finished, lest I get any more comments.

Seriously, I haven't run into someone this insensitive in a long time. And of all places at a Catholic Women's breakfast!

I walk the line....between trying to explain the pain of IF to insensitive people and not smacking them!