Saturday, December 5, 2009

Walking Between Lines

One of the aspects of Infertility that has struck me is the need to walk between 2 lines.

I walk the line...

Between realism and hope.

Between wanting a child and trying to obey God's will.

Between accepting suffering (usually badly on my part) but avoiding deep depression.

Between seeking new information and treatment but knowing when nothing will work.

Between trying to lose weight for adoption but wonder if we are supposed to seek another country.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today I went to a women's breakfast. Let's just say the morning started out rather badly. AF arrived and wracked me with pain. I get on the freeway only to get stuck in a 15min traffic jam just to move about 10 feet. I arrived late, only to find the table where I had hoped to sit was full. Thankfully, a good friend came with me and we sat at another table. Wouldn't you know it, on a morning such as this, I meet the lady next to me and we discover that we attend the same parish and Mass. Then she asks,

"Well, do you have any kids?" "No," I sighed and explained briefly about adoption. "Well, she answered, "the only people I notice at Mass are families with children, so that's why I haven't seen you."

WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT??? She later revealed that she never had children, but came from a big family, and big families are so good, yadda yadda. And I said, "Well, no matter the size of the family, each child is a gift." By this point, I'm looking imploringly at my friend, who generously tried to steer the conversation away. But the lady wasn't done. When we returned to our seats after getting breakfast, the lady asked, "So why don't you just do IVF?"

I really wanted to scream, or at least pick up my plasticware and attempt to impale her. Somehow I manged to keep my cool and just said, "As Catholics, we cannot do that." She honestly was surprised and said that she had never heard that before. I briefly explained the teaching (unitive and procreative) and hoped she would leave me alone. Perhaps the only good part of AF's arrival was that the pain forced me to leave immediately after the speaker's presentation finished, lest I get any more comments.

Seriously, I haven't run into someone this insensitive in a long time. And of all places at a Catholic Women's breakfast!

I walk the line....between trying to explain the pain of IF to insensitive people and not smacking them!

13 comments:

Molly said...

THAT IS AWFUL!!! I wish I had been there to save you. I am so sorry that happened.

mrsblondies said...

Wow, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that inconsiderate woman when you were at a Catholic women's breakfast (and dealing with period pain to boot).

Sew said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugg, I hear you!

prayerfuljourney said...

It's amazing and truly sad and pathetic...how many Catholics out there do not know the Churches teachings on ART! Crazy and annoying for us IF'ers who are doing everything the church allows..and we all seem to get it. My own brother said the same thing to me...my dh lost respect for him now. Oh well..you answered her well. Maybe part of our job as Catholic IF'ers is to teach others about NFP. Good job!

Find joy in every journey said...

Sorry you had to endure that. I even got comments like that from my own family. Sounds like you stood your ground for this test!

Maureen said...

Grrrr!!!!!!!!! I wish I would have been there too!!!! No matter what her views are, she showed a HUGE amount of insensitivity to you! You are the true hero in this story. You acted with honor and dignity even though you felt like smacking her. I'm proud of you!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Wow, that is unreal. I think you did a great job of keeping your cool but at the same time, teaching her a little something about her faith!

I liked your analogies about walking the line. It's so true. I am usually never quite in the middle, but hop back and forth between 1 line and the other :)

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Sorry about your experience and you did a GREAT job of walking the line and explaining. I think it's fair to say that most Catholics do not know the stance on ART.

I love the post (particularly accepting suffering & avoiding depression) about walking the line and keeping ourselves balanced.

Percolating Petals said...

Hey, thanks everyone. I was crampy and annoyed while writing this post, so your comments are as if we are all sitting around eating pizza and commiserating. Molly, you and I could have taken her! :) Just kidding. I feel the same way about the lines; most of the time I'm teetering towards one side or another.

the misfit said...

Dude, you chose wrong - you should have impaled her on your plastic flatware.

Seriously, though, that's not only crazy insensitive, but the literally stupidest set of IF comments I may ever have heard (except maybe for insane treatment suggestions, those are in their own separate category). She ignores everyone who doesn't have a lot of kids? Does she have a lot of kids? Does she want everyone to ignore her? Would anyone ever think it was respectful to be told that they were being ignored? Could she just do you a favor and continue to ignore you permanently? And she's not only OK with IVF but pushing it onto a total stranger? Could that be anyone's business? And is this pro-big-family person familiar with "selective reduction"?

inallthingsgood said...

oh wow, that is definitely one of the most insensitive/ridiculous comments I have heard of. It's unbelievable! I think she may have deserved a good whack with your plastic cutlery, but that's really great that you were able to talk to her and tell her what's what!

inallthingsgood said...

and I hear you on walking the line!!

Tucked Beneath His Wing said...

That is awful! I can't believe how insensitive she was. I'm glad you were able to provide a witness to her and hopefully that will keep her from recommending IVF to some other couple. I love your comments about walking the line. What great reflections!