Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A New Perspective on God's Will

"I don't like it, I don't understand it, but Thy will be done."

These 3 phrases have really been on my mind lately.

I had been pondering the suffering of so many friends and family, particularly my friend K, who recently observed the one-year anniversary of her son's death. Even in my own life, I have a very hard time accepting God's will. Sure, I know He has the perfect plan, but they always seem to hurt a lot. I feel guilty for such emotions, but I can never be like St. Faustina who loved every aspect of God's will. Rather, I'm more like a patient walking nervously into a doctor's office, knowing that a painful shot will make me more healthy but dreading it nonetheless.

Faith and Family Live blogger Arwen Mosher shared a quote from C.S. Lewis with me that I have inserted into my email signatures: "We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

Granted, there are often happy endings to the pain brought on by God's will. I especially think of the bloggers who just adopted or found out they're pregnant (Tucked Beneath His Wing, belated congratulations!). No doubt God brought them to this moment from a long journey of waiting and pain.

Yet while I trudge along, God's will seems rather difficult at times. So many times I ask "Why?" The control freak in me wants to understand completely, or at least have God consult me for my opinion (guess how far this idea goes!). I know that someday, somehow, this painful journey of IF will be only a memory, and that my loved ones will get through their crosses. Not having a sure light at the end of the tunnel makes it difficult to keep walking.

"I don't like it, I don't understand it, but Thy will be done."

These words really spoke to my heart, and they were from a religious sister, no less!! Someone who is married to Christ understood my feelings. I really like her saying, because it allows me to express my disagreement/displeasure (ha ha ha, I just can't turn that off) but at least try to surrender in the end. She noted that Jesus said nearly the same thing in His Agony in the Garden (albeit more eloquently!). I find these words bring me a lot of peace.

Sorry for the deeper-than-usual blog post, but I'm going stir crazy in my house with the second snow day in a row. Perhaps the frigid weather is making my mind ponder more things. Accepting God's will is something with which I daily struggle; sometimes I read other IF bloggers posts and they are so trusting of God's plan. I hope to become more like that someday.

Those of you who were able to watch the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist on Oprah yesterday...weren't they amazing? :)


This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I don't know if you were referencing me when you mentioned other bloggers who are so trusting of God's plan... but I most definately have my BAD DAYS, even when I feel, for the moment of writing a post, hopeful or trusting. The devil is constantly trying to get us down, I think, even when we are able to see the miracles all around us (as you mentioned, all the adoptions and pgs lately). It's just so hard to think that will ever be us.
I'm totally there with you, my friend. And I love this post. (Love the quote!)

Maureen said...

I said the same thing to the Lord many years ago. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done - to accept not having children if that was what He wanted. I stress, it was an act of the will! Every fiber of my being rebelled and recoiled at that act. After that moment, God led me down a path of fulfillment - YOU! It wasn't right away but it happened. Let the Lord use you. Your sufferings have benefited so many. I often wonder if my long wait gave me a different perspective on mothering. Something to ponder....

mrsblondies said...

Great reflection. I love the quotes from the sister and from C.S. Lewis. I definitely am feeling that.

John said...

I definitely understand how you feel--though my circumstances were different. And Kristy, as your younger brother, I am SHOCKED that you'd be feisty and want to get your two cents in with God. :) I've had that thought, "Wait, I thought it was supposed to go this way, not that way..." and letting go is very tough to do. Just being aware of that, however, is half the battle.

Percolating Petals said...

Thanks,everyone!! And yes, John, I'm sure you're shocked at my protests of God's plan. Imagine that! :)

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Beautiful quotes... thanks for sharing!