Blonde hair, Black hair and Little hands

This past Tuesday night I attended a special Mass for healing. (I prayed for you, my IF friends!). Sitting in the few in front of me was a Caucasian couple with 3 beautiful Chinese daughters. At one point, the youngest girl rested on her mother's lap, wrapping her little arms around her neck. The little hands began to play with her mom's blond hair. I was struck at the contrast of blond and black hair colors, but at the same time the incredible bond between the two of them. Anyone could look at them and surmise that they are mother and daughter. They may look different on the outside, but the familial love just seem to radiate. I looked at the little girl with longing, the same longing I used to have at watching mothers hold their newborn babies.

To me, that really indicates that our desire to adopt is very alive and well. My desire to lose this weight and bring our child home has become stronger than a desire to get pregnant. Maybe it's the pessimist in me, or perhaps God's way of preparing me for the embrace of adoption.

My two cousins were adopted from South America over 18 years ago. One of them told me recently that he still sees himself as Slovak (my dad's side of the family), despite his very obvious Latin American ancestry. I in turn always thought of him and his sister as my cousins, not very different from me. The whole idea that they were adopted really disappeared after a while. :)

Seeing that mother and child on Tuesday night awakened a new excitement in me. I know the same will happen with our child; the outward differences will give way to the love of a family.

For another blogger, answered prayers....

Congratulations to Grace In My Heart, who is about to adopt a beautiful baby boy. She's had quite a journey, including a failed adoption. For her and her husband to arrive at this day is an extra special joy.

I really love the online Catholic IF community. We cry with those who miscarry or are gripping with despair, sympathize with the numerous medical and adoption-related setbacks, AND rejoice when one of our own finally becomes a mother. :)

Major Roadblock

My blog has been silent the past couple days due to some jarring news about our adoption endeavors. The agency informed us that in order to become eligible to adopt from Korea, both of us need to have a BMI (Body Mass Index) of less than 30. Anyone who has seen me IRL (In Real Life) would realize that my husband and I do not meet that requirement. So we have to lose about 35 lbs each in order to qualify. That means no home study or paperwork until this goal is met.

The news fell like a ton of bricks. To feel the surge of starting the process only to hit a roadblock-- especially after our many infertility medical experiences-- was incredibly frustrating. It didn't help that last night I sang at a children's holy hour. Just watching all of those precious children made my heart break.

The good part, however, is the weight loss will be good for overall health. My husband and I have always wanted to shed pounds; our child definitely gives us a hard & fast reason to tackle our goals ASAP. So I'm shooting for the end of November, at least to get our home study in before December. Several kind friends have offered dieting tips and I plan to seek the aid of the local hospital's nutrition center. And yes, I have asked for Divine Help to help my cravings for sweets & carbs.

Once again, infertility takes us on another twisty path. Hopefully we'll make it unscathed and thin. :) Oh, please pray for the SHE group meeting on Saturday; our attendance has been low.

The Next Step

Once again, I'm procrastinating on lesson plans to blog. :) This past Tuesday we took the first step in our adoption adventure: mailing our adoption application. It's a seemingly small step, but the first and most important in our new journey.

A new feeling washed over me as I wrote the check and mailed the application: it's really happening. Sure, I had a fleeting semblance of such a feeling in the beginning of our infertility appointments and ventures. Now, however, each appointment or treatment just runs into the next. Hope still remains and I am pleased of the progress with the NaPro treatment...but none of it feels real, as if parenthood is within grasp.

That small, 2-page adoption application, gave me that priceless feeling of parenthood coming soon. A reality that I have worked hard to keep my heart from feeling after so many failed cycles. This new adoption journey will not be easy, but at least we will have concrete goals in sight. I'll continue to post info about my ongoing NaPro treatment, but will also talk about our adoption progress. Stay tuned!