First of all, happy feastday of St. Gianna Beretta Molla! For those of you who have never heard of her, the story is worth reading. She was a wife, mother, doctor, and bravely gave her life to save her unborn child.
I haven't had much to say lately, as this in-between the IF and pregnancy world continues. And I still feel guilty, wishing that so many other deserving people had this gift. Definitely, IF's effects continue through pregnancy. Little aches and pains have scared me and made me wonder if something bad is imminent, although it's probably just gas. :) This past week I purchased a St. Patrick's Day onezie (hey, gotta show the Irish spirit AND it was on sale) for the baby. However, I currently have the baby stuff sitting in a bag in our downstairs spare bedroom. I don't feel comfortable having such items on display, or preparing the nursery. In my mind, I'm always asking, What if? After hearing many recent stories of pregnancy loss and watching my friend lose her baby at 22 weeks, I'm rather gun-shy.
This past Saturday we had our monthly SHE (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth) IF support group meeting. Our chaplain gave an incredible talk about the spiritual and psychological effects of IF. Did I mention that our chaplain is a priest and former OB/GYN? :) Maybe I can get Father to post his lecture notes sometime. Anyway, one of his key points really spoke to me. He talked about the temptation to engage in "Divine Mindreading," such as thinking that IF was a consequence of past behavior or the like. I find such thinking quite easy to fall prey to, unfortunately.
Later in his talk, Father showed a close-up of a painting. That particular photo displayed an unorganized splash of colors that resembled a preschooler's fingerpainting. The next photo showed the entire painting: a lush green hill with people of all ages milling around. The messy part of the painting shown before was actually the pattern on a lady's dress. Father's point was that we don't see the big picture like God sees. Of course, the lack of that knowledge doesn't always ease the pain and sorrow of a particular cross or situation. But knowing that a big picture does exist at least provides some hope. Definitely food or paint for thought. :)
p.s. The woman responsible for bringing St. Gianna's gloves to our SHE meeting last September wants me to send the pregnancy story to the National St. Gianna Shrine. Oy vey!