Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Next Step

Wow.  I was so touched at the comments in my previous post.  Karen has indeed written an incredible book, and I'm elated to see it touched other readers too.

I've had this post floating in my head for a couple weeks, but could never get to the computer to actually compose it.  And as always, life gets in the way too.  How's that for slacking?

Rachel's memorial Mass will take place this Saturday morning.  I'm looking forward to it but also dreading the emotions that may come up.  Thanks to my friend K, we found a special Blessing for Parents Who Have Just Suffered a Miscarriage that my pastor will pray over us at the end of Mass.  Several family and friends have promised to attend the Mass; I am humbled at their willingness to remember Rachel's brief life.

Lately there have been several friends who have announced pregnancies.  I'm very happy for them, but that all familiar twinge of "why can't that be me?" returned with a vengeance.  The especially hard ones are the friends/acquaintances whose babies will come in November, when Rachel would have been born.  Thankfully, a dear friend of mine assured me these feelings are normal. She herself still mourns her miscarried babies from 15 years ago.

A lot of people have asked us (to quote the song from the musical E.vita), "So what happens now?"  Both my OB and NaPro physicians suggested waiting out the miscarriage cycle (similar to a post partum cycle) plus one regular cycle before we can TTC again.  Most critical is giving my body a full cycle to absorb the HCG and stabilize my hormones.

I'm also attempting to lose weight, as my baby weight from the first pregnancy never really came off.  This program has helped me a great deal.  Additionally, we credit my weight loss in 2010 (to meet an adoption BMI requirement) with playing a role in conceiving KB.  Besides, if I'm able to get pregnant again, I want to start with as few pounds as possible.

In any case, we will not assume anything and try to trust in God's plan.  Easier said than done!

KB turned 18 months last week; we can scarcely fathom she is halfway to 2!  Apparently, neither can she:


Thankful said...

I will be sending extra prayers your way. I cannot even imagine your grief.

Percolating Petals said...

Thanks, C. And I am truly happy for your little miracle! :)