Merry Christmas, GIMH!

We've had a wonderful visit with family and friends, and all too soon our trip has come to an end. I want to give a special shout-out to my Advent Prayer Buddy/Secret Santa, Grace In My Heart! What a thrill to have a buddy who just adopted as my husband and I start the adoption process. :)

One of the cool things about being Catholic is that the Christmas season lasts until Epiphany. So I can still say, Merry Christmas!! :)

I'm Dreaming of a Warm(er) Christmas...

Greetings from the Left Coast! We made it here just in time to miss a snowstorm. My hubby and I have enjoyed walking around the city sans jackets and spending time with family and friends.

I'm amazed at the large amount of big announcements lately. We arrived here on Friday and already I have heard of a couple engagements and a few pregnancies. *sigh* I had hoped that by now we would have an adoption announcement of our own. But God has His own ways of doing things. A good friend reminded me today about the need to trust Him no matter what (easier said than done). The pain and longing that I endure now will only make the child's coming even more sweet and worth it.

On a lighter note, my dear husband came up with a little prank for my parents' backyard. They have a St. Joseph statue that has become buried in ivy over the years. Well, we were worried that St. Joe couldn't breathe, so the photo below shows how we took care of it. :)

P.S. My dear IF friends (online and IRL), I'm so grateful for your continued support, encouragement, and especially empathy.

Trucking through the week

Thanks so much for your many kind comments in my last post. You really did console me! Not only did AF arrive that weekend, I also came down with a sinus infection. Hence, the long gap of blog posts. Thanks to some drugs, rest, and copious cups of tea, my head is finally clearing. That's just in time for our flight on Friday. My hubby and I are flying to California to spend Christmas with my family. With the temperature scheduled to drop into the teens this week, I'll gladly welcome Northern California's gray, 50-degree weather. No doubt my fellow Californian blogger Jeremiah will get more sunshine during her Christmas visit. :)

As any teacher can relate, the final week before Christmas vacation is always the most hectic. This week is no exception, and we also have Christmas program rehearsals that shrink class time. Such is life during December! I bought stockings for my students to do secret Santas. One student even brought me a stocking (it's in the middle). By the way, I bought these stockings, although I'm sure Sew could have made even more gorgeous ones.

I have somewhat mixed feelings about the upcoming Christmas. Like many of you, I think every year, "Next Christmas, I might be a mother!" Or, "Next Christmas, my parents will have to come to us because we will finally have a child!" For the past 3 years, that has not happened. More changes are coming as my brother brings home his beautiful girlfriend this Christmas. Perhaps because Christmas is such a usual, celebrated milestone (unlike a birthday celebration that can be toned down), the holiday becomes a marker every year.

And to continue my metaphor of "walking the line" from my last post:

I walk the line between being grateful for a strong marriage yet longing for my husband to finally become a father.

I walk the line between happiness for a family friend who just gave birth to another baby (found out tonight) and nursing the ever-present IF wound.

Thanks for reading my rambling! Here are some pictures from the SHE group Christmas outing (love you, girls!) and my Christmas tree at home.

Walking Between Lines

One of the aspects of Infertility that has struck me is the need to walk between 2 lines.

I walk the line...

Between realism and hope.

Between wanting a child and trying to obey God's will.

Between accepting suffering (usually badly on my part) but avoiding deep depression.

Between seeking new information and treatment but knowing when nothing will work.

Between trying to lose weight for adoption but wonder if we are supposed to seek another country.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Today I went to a women's breakfast. Let's just say the morning started out rather badly. AF arrived and wracked me with pain. I get on the freeway only to get stuck in a 15min traffic jam just to move about 10 feet. I arrived late, only to find the table where I had hoped to sit was full. Thankfully, a good friend came with me and we sat at another table. Wouldn't you know it, on a morning such as this, I meet the lady next to me and we discover that we attend the same parish and Mass. Then she asks,

"Well, do you have any kids?" "No," I sighed and explained briefly about adoption. "Well, she answered, "the only people I notice at Mass are families with children, so that's why I haven't seen you."

WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT??? She later revealed that she never had children, but came from a big family, and big families are so good, yadda yadda. And I said, "Well, no matter the size of the family, each child is a gift." By this point, I'm looking imploringly at my friend, who generously tried to steer the conversation away. But the lady wasn't done. When we returned to our seats after getting breakfast, the lady asked, "So why don't you just do IVF?"

I really wanted to scream, or at least pick up my plasticware and attempt to impale her. Somehow I manged to keep my cool and just said, "As Catholics, we cannot do that." She honestly was surprised and said that she had never heard that before. I briefly explained the teaching (unitive and procreative) and hoped she would leave me alone. Perhaps the only good part of AF's arrival was that the pain forced me to leave immediately after the speaker's presentation finished, lest I get any more comments.

Seriously, I haven't run into someone this insensitive in a long time. And of all places at a Catholic Women's breakfast!

I walk the line....between trying to explain the pain of IF to insensitive people and not smacking them!

Turkey Roasting: a success!

Thanksgiving went very well. The turkey turned out moist and tasty, the side dishes complemented the meal, and best of all, there was great company. :) I never realized how much work it is to put on a meal such as this!! My mom was kind enough to send me my favorite stuffing, Mrs. Cubbinson's. It must be a West Coast brand.

The weekend ended with the peeling of our hideous kitchen wallpaper, spearheaded by my mother-in-law. Not only is the wallpaper pattern obnoxious, it also makes the kitchen very dark. We got one wall done and have more to go.

I'm through fighting with Blogger's formatting of my photos, so they are posted backward.

Thanks * Merci* Gracias* Gratias Tibi Ago

I wanted to wish all of you a very happy Thanksgiving!! My husband and I are hosting his family for the first time and we are quite excited. The bird continues to roast as I write this post, so hopefully it will come out of the oven tasty and moist! Although I have helped my mom make the Thanksgiving turkey several times, this is the first time I've made it on my own. Already I had one mishap and had to send my husband to the store when I ran out of celery.

I'll post more pictures of the table tomorrow. I thank God for His many blessings, and for the many online IF friends that I've met through blogging. May He bless all of you today and always!! :)

Blonde hair, Black hair and Little hands

This past Tuesday night I attended a special Mass for healing. (I prayed for you, my IF friends!). Sitting in the few in front of me was a Caucasian couple with 3 beautiful Chinese daughters. At one point, the youngest girl rested on her mother's lap, wrapping her little arms around her neck. The little hands began to play with her mom's blond hair. I was struck at the contrast of blond and black hair colors, but at the same time the incredible bond between the two of them. Anyone could look at them and surmise that they are mother and daughter. They may look different on the outside, but the familial love just seem to radiate. I looked at the little girl with longing, the same longing I used to have at watching mothers hold their newborn babies.

To me, that really indicates that our desire to adopt is very alive and well. My desire to lose this weight and bring our child home has become stronger than a desire to get pregnant. Maybe it's the pessimist in me, or perhaps God's way of preparing me for the embrace of adoption.

My two cousins were adopted from South America over 18 years ago. One of them told me recently that he still sees himself as Slovak (my dad's side of the family), despite his very obvious Latin American ancestry. I in turn always thought of him and his sister as my cousins, not very different from me. The whole idea that they were adopted really disappeared after a while. :)

Seeing that mother and child on Tuesday night awakened a new excitement in me. I know the same will happen with our child; the outward differences will give way to the love of a family.